Quotes from Friends:
[While eating a Chicken Cordon Bleu pita]
Me: "They should genetically engineer an animal that has both chicken meat and ham meat in it."
Jen: "Yeah, when pigs fly!"
[ba-dum-tish]
Me: "They should genetically engineer an animal that has both chicken meat and ham meat in it."
Jen: "Yeah, when pigs fly!"
[ba-dum-tish]
Me: "I suck at this."
Jen: "But we just made poopy..."
Me: "No, you just *showed* me how to make 'poopy'!"
[Man, I hope I was playing scrabble when we said this... otherwise...]
Jen: "But we just made poopy..."
Me: "No, you just *showed* me how to make 'poopy'!"
[Man, I hope I was playing scrabble when we said this... otherwise...]
[While buying toilet paper at Sobeys]
My Brain: "Wow, you're rich enough to afford toilet paper?"
Me: "Yes; I'm flush!"
[ba-dum-tish]
My Brain: "Wow, you're rich enough to afford toilet paper?"
Me: "Yes; I'm flush!"
[ba-dum-tish]
Avi: "Some of those people in Pure Math... they're like... stupid smart!"
[After deciding to split a hot dog]
Me: "So, I guess you should hot dog-up half of that hot dog, and decided what you want on the other half."
Jen: "...so, what do you want on your half?"
Me: "Hot dog."
Jen: "..."
Me: "Oh, I mean ketchup."
Me: "So, I guess you should hot dog-up half of that hot dog, and decided what you want on the other half."
Jen: "...so, what do you want on your half?"
Me: "Hot dog."
Jen: "..."
Me: "Oh, I mean ketchup."
[In reference to the Prince Caspian movie]
Dan: "I saw the first one, and... meh..."
Avi: "But it's The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe!"
Me: "Woo! Christian allegory!"
Dan: "Whoa, he even knows the actor's name!"
Dan: "I saw the first one, and... meh..."
Avi: "But it's The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe!"
Me: "Woo! Christian allegory!"
Dan: "Whoa, he even knows the actor's name!"
Co-Worker: "I'm going to the bathroom to cool down."
[Sadly, this makes sense to me...]
[Sadly, this makes sense to me...]
Richard: "This hostel has board games... laundry facilities... free internets..."
Me, Fai, Chris: "FREE INTERNETS?!?"
Me, Fai, Chris: "FREE INTERNETS?!?"
Me: "That was dangerous - I almost slipped when I jumped off of Karl Marx!"
Chris: "How many people can say THAT in their lifetime..."
Chris: "How many people can say THAT in their lifetime..."
Me: "Shut up, I'm doing linear algebra!"
Fai: "move to the left, dave... no, my left... no, you're not in the picture..."
Dave: "Fine! I'll take my own picture without YOU in it! Just above your head..."
Dave: "Fai, move down a bit..."
Dave: "Fine! I'll take my own picture without YOU in it! Just above your head..."
Dave: "Fai, move down a bit..."
Me: "I'm not too good with dates and times."
Mike: "I never have that problem. I remember the middle name and birthday of every girl I've ever had a crush on."
Me: "Oh... so what's my sister's middle name?"
Mike: "Uh...I don't know..."
Me: "Good."
Mike: "I never have that problem. I remember the middle name and birthday of every girl I've ever had a crush on."
Me: "Oh... so what's my sister's middle name?"
Mike: "Uh...I don't know..."
Me: "Good."
[just after psych class, I heard this somewhere behind me...]
Some Guy: "Dude, Freud's mom must have been HOT!"
Some Guy: "Dude, Freud's mom must have been HOT!"
Me: "Wait, why is my drink all the way over there? Did you take a drink? You don't have 'THE AIDS', do you?"
James: "Do I look like a guy who has had sex to you?"
[I proceeded to choke on my Chicken Carbonara]
James: "Do I look like a guy who has had sex to you?"
[I proceeded to choke on my Chicken Carbonara]
[After reading the article "how feminism destroyed real men"]
Me: "Jen, can I assert my dominance now?"
Me: "Jen, can I assert my dominance now?"
[After I had done something strange]
James: "That's kind of arousing.."
Me: "..."
James: "Of suspicion! What were you thinking of?"
James: "That's kind of arousing.."
Me: "..."
James: "Of suspicion! What were you thinking of?"
[after Jen had a headache for much of the day...]
Jen: "And aaah... the medication is kicking in... it's like someone stopped trying to nail something to my temple..."
Me: "Those darn lutherans... when will they learn..."
Jen: "And aaah... the medication is kicking in... it's like someone stopped trying to nail something to my temple..."
Me: "Those darn lutherans... when will they learn..."
Jen: "Ooh, I wonder if I have new mail..."
Me: "I'm all the male you'll ever need, baby!"
Me: "I'm all the male you'll ever need, baby!"
[while looking for used cars]
Me: "Here, look at this: I can get a Hyundai Accent for $5000."
James: "Okay... but how much would you have to pay for a Russian accent?"
Me: "Here, look at this: I can get a Hyundai Accent for $5000."
James: "Okay... but how much would you have to pay for a Russian accent?"
[after listening to Jen and Fai talk about the appearance of some apparently weird-looking girl]
Me: "*sigh* Hot women are always so shallow."
Me: "*sigh* Hot women are always so shallow."
[paraphrased]
Charles: "Zamir, we're going on a slurpee run, what kind do you want?"
Zamir: "Get me a red."
Charles: "What if there's more than one red?"
Me: "What if there's no red?"
Charles: "Should we get the next longest wavelength?"
[for the record, the next answer was orange...]
Charles: "Zamir, we're going on a slurpee run, what kind do you want?"
Zamir: "Get me a red."
Charles: "What if there's more than one red?"
Me: "What if there's no red?"
Charles: "Should we get the next longest wavelength?"
[for the record, the next answer was orange...]
Fai: "Jen - ask john about his little thing."
Jen: "Yeah yeah yeah... John, can I see your little thing?"
[...somehow, this was referring to my movie binder...]
Jen: "Yeah yeah yeah... John, can I see your little thing?"
[...somehow, this was referring to my movie binder...]
[on the topic of intelligence and communication...]
Ed: "...I'm sure other animals have language too, we just don't understand it."
Victor: "Right, it's just like the birds and their songs. If we understood them, they'd sound like 'mine mine, sex sex sex.'"
John: "Isn't that what our music is like, too?"
Ed: "...I'm sure other animals have language too, we just don't understand it."
Victor: "Right, it's just like the birds and their songs. If we understood them, they'd sound like 'mine mine, sex sex sex.'"
John: "Isn't that what our music is like, too?"
[during a mario party drinking game]
Dave: "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear..."
Richard: "Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair..."
Dave: "...what a fucker!"
Dave: "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear..."
Richard: "Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair..."
Dave: "...what a fucker!"
Chris: "Me, I'd go for a pet stalker. I don't have to feed it, bathe it, or even pay attention to it, and I know it's always around, so I'll never be lonely. Plus, if I'm ever in danger, it would jump out of hiding to save me, lest all meaning be ripped from its miserable life. It's like a guardian angel, only somewhat creepier to some."
[In reference to a Van Damme movie]
Charles: "The choreographer for this movie needs to either be fired, or hired.."
Charles: "The choreographer for this movie needs to either be fired, or hired.."
Das Bruce: "All suposedly random numbers are merely psuedo random, we cannot see the pattern and variables that lead to that number so we assume it is random. This applies to every "random" thing in existance, and theoretically even god."
Me: "Ah yes... 'The lord works in pseudo-mysterious ways'..."
Me: "Ah yes... 'The lord works in pseudo-mysterious ways'..."
Peiran: "Chris, You've seen the way I coded as a CS project partner, so you can offer your opinion: Which of the two following statements best describes the code that I write?
a) It prints as an ascii-art realist drawing of a green cactus.
b) It is an absolute joy to maintain.
I hope your answer will support the position that the next guy who works on my code won't stab me with a pencil."
a) It prints as an ascii-art realist drawing of a green cactus.
b) It is an absolute joy to maintain.
I hope your answer will support the position that the next guy who works on my code won't stab me with a pencil."
Robb: "I've heard some Bush supporters arguements... like 'You don't switch a president inthe middle of a war' and 'In previous terms, there were no problems - Bush has had to deal with problems, so you can't compare him to Clinton'. So at least some of them aren't just saying 'Bush. There's a name that sounds familiar, I should vote for him.'. Instead, they're saying 'I'm blind and deaf, and dumber then a tree stump, so I should vote for someone who represents me well'."
[On the topic of Gauntlet: Dark Legacy]
Victor: "If people are willing to chip in, I'll pick it up."
Me: "It's only $30, right? That's not much between three people."
Chris: "Yeah, I'll pass you a decadollar when I see you if you buy it."
Henry: "Money isn't SI."
Victor: "If people are willing to chip in, I'll pick it up."
Me: "It's only $30, right? That's not much between three people."
Chris: "Yeah, I'll pass you a decadollar when I see you if you buy it."
Henry: "Money isn't SI."
Fai: "I can't die. I've got a private destructor and no friends."
Victor: "Imagine playing hockey on the moon and accidentally rupturing someone's space suit..."
Me: "I'd be more worried about space-time. When was the last time you heard of a space suit being ruptured? It happens to space-time all the time."
Victor: "It's surprising what you can do with a hockey puck."
Me: "And a little elbow grease..."
Me: "Hockey puck and elbow grease. Space-time doesn't stand a chance."
Me: "I'd be more worried about space-time. When was the last time you heard of a space suit being ruptured? It happens to space-time all the time."
Victor: "It's surprising what you can do with a hockey puck."
Me: "And a little elbow grease..."
Me: "Hockey puck and elbow grease. Space-time doesn't stand a chance."
[in my room...]
Mike: "All these anime posters..."
Pat: "Wow, I wonder why..."
Mike: "You're obsessed!"
Me: "The correct term is 'otaku'."
Mike: "All these anime posters..."
Pat: "Wow, I wonder why..."
Mike: "You're obsessed!"
Me: "The correct term is 'otaku'."
Victor: "They're not stupid, they're just frequent."
[...referring to our anime marathons...]
[...referring to our anime marathons...]
[After chris biked home from my house]
Chris: "Yo, I left my bag in your living room."
Me: "What do you want me to do about it?"
Chris: "Give praise that I left a piece of myself behind?"
Me: "I meant besides that."
Chris: "Yo, I left my bag in your living room."
Me: "What do you want me to do about it?"
Chris: "Give praise that I left a piece of myself behind?"
Me: "I meant besides that."
Kats: "If I'm going to die anyway, I think I'd rather just be crunched to death rather than drowned, and then eaten."
[Philosophy comes to those who dunk cookies in milk...]
[Philosophy comes to those who dunk cookies in milk...]
Charles: "I bet he's just going to use that alien technology to rice up his civic."
[from a movie called "The Returner"]
[from a movie called "The Returner"]
[After a TKD-organized campfire at Columbia Lake]
Me: "May I escort thou, fair damsel, home?"
Theresa: "Uh, I think there's one unnecessary word in that sentence..."
Me: "What, 'damn'?"
[Now she is known as the fair 'sel.]
Me: "May I escort thou, fair damsel, home?"
Theresa: "Uh, I think there's one unnecessary word in that sentence..."
Me: "What, 'damn'?"
[Now she is known as the fair 'sel.]
Andrew Hoo: "A few weeks ago I watched a movie called "Left Behind" on space. At first it was really neat... people started disappearing.."
Andrew Hoo: "Turns out it's all the Christians... but it still had the element of "sci fi" and not "religious movie" on it."
Me: "oh, the rapture."
Andrew Hoo: "And then there was a big conspiracy plot that was leading up to the antichrist."
Me: "did they leave their clothes behind?"
Andrew Hoo: "yeah, their clothes would be left behind."
Andrew Hoo: "In the end, the antichrist does come to power, and it does become a religeous movie, and they play christian rock."
Andrew Hoo: "And basically, everybody who was 'left behind' are all like 'Oh shit... well, I guess there's nothing we can do but pray'..."
Andrew Hoo: "And I'm thinking... yeah... that's right... pray to the god who abandoned you and left you to suffer for 7 years with the antichrist."
Andrew Hoo: "Turns out it's all the Christians... but it still had the element of "sci fi" and not "religious movie" on it."
Me: "oh, the rapture."
Andrew Hoo: "And then there was a big conspiracy plot that was leading up to the antichrist."
Me: "did they leave their clothes behind?"
Andrew Hoo: "yeah, their clothes would be left behind."
Andrew Hoo: "In the end, the antichrist does come to power, and it does become a religeous movie, and they play christian rock."
Andrew Hoo: "And basically, everybody who was 'left behind' are all like 'Oh shit... well, I guess there's nothing we can do but pray'..."
Andrew Hoo: "And I'm thinking... yeah... that's right... pray to the god who abandoned you and left you to suffer for 7 years with the antichrist."
[At 11:47PM...]
Chris: "mmmmm.... steak..."
Me: "steak is also good, but perhaps not as a midnight snack..."
Chris: "why not? Steak is good in all cases."
Chris: "and if it's not, simply multiply by an integrating factor sigma, and it BECOMES good."
Chris: "God, I love applied math."
Chris: "mmmmm.... steak..."
Me: "steak is also good, but perhaps not as a midnight snack..."
Chris: "why not? Steak is good in all cases."
Chris: "and if it's not, simply multiply by an integrating factor sigma, and it BECOMES good."
Chris: "God, I love applied math."
Chris: "Watching animals maul stupid people would be fun."
[not surprisingly, we were talking about Fox specials here...]
[not surprisingly, we were talking about Fox specials here...]
Patricia : "back"
Me: "forth"
Patricia : "bah!"
Me: "humbug!"
Patricia: "John!!!!"
Me: "Patricia!!!!"
Me: "forth"
Patricia : "bah!"
Me: "humbug!"
Patricia: "John!!!!"
Me: "Patricia!!!!"
Jen: "Who would spend $500 on a magic card?"
Mike: "Guys who don't have girlfriends to spend that money on..."
Chris: "Or they're buying the Black Lotus FOR their girlfriends..."
Mike: "That's cool, but also rare."
Chris: "As rare as the Lotus they're buying..."
Mike: "Guys who don't have girlfriends to spend that money on..."
Chris: "Or they're buying the Black Lotus FOR their girlfriends..."
Mike: "That's cool, but also rare."
Chris: "As rare as the Lotus they're buying..."
Me: "mIRC will NEVER have webcam functionality. If it ever does, I will castrate... you. not me, mine are too precious."
Me: "Do you know anyone who has access to or is good at using the on-campus metal shops?"
Chris: "Don't know. Ask an engineer."
Me: "We are engineers! Are we just our of the loop?"
Chris: "We're software engineers. We're in our own special loop."
Me: "Awww...."
Me: "I hope our loop is completely cached."
Chris: "No! Bad John! This is why people make fun of us!"
Chris: "Don't know. Ask an engineer."
Me: "We are engineers! Are we just our of the loop?"
Chris: "We're software engineers. We're in our own special loop."
Me: "Awww...."
Me: "I hope our loop is completely cached."
Chris: "No! Bad John! This is why people make fun of us!"
Me: "My parents were both 19 when they got married... and now I'm single at 21..."
Emilie: "If I were my mom right now, I'd have a kid already."
Chris: "If you were your mom, you'd have a whole different set of problems..."
Emilie: "If I were my mom right now, I'd have a kid already."
Chris: "If you were your mom, you'd have a whole different set of problems..."
AJ: "I live right next to the golden gate bridge and like...theres been like 4 tanks parked there for god knows how long, and they dont do anything. I see guys sitting outside eating thier lunch. Im like 'hey buddy! thanks for doing your civil duty, now can i shit in your helmet since you wont be needing it?' "
Chris: "Have a birthday that doesn't suck, John."
["happy birthday" would have been acceptable, but noooooo....]
["happy birthday" would have been acceptable, but noooooo....]
Peiran: "Have a birthday that doesn't blow."
[This started off discussing unix cgi scripting syntax...]
Me: "I like having a variable named hitArray, and having to preface it with a dollar sign."
Chris: "yeah, perl's great that way"
Me: "php, dude... perl can suck my ass."
Me: "I bet you could make perl code that looked like it was sucking my ass."
Chris: "that would simultaneously run and perform the operation of sucking your ass. Doesn't seem too hard"
Chris:
open JOHNSASS, "./ass.txt" or die "Couldn't open John's ass: $!";
foreach <JOHNSASS>{
&suck;
}
Chris: "then just format it to be somewhat like"
########
### ###
## ##
Chris: "'course, you'd have to define sub suck somewhere"
Chris: "prolly put it in the right cheek or something"
Me: "with the size of that code, you could format my butt to be a little more shapely and seductive, you know..."
Me: "I like having a variable named hitArray, and having to preface it with a dollar sign."
Chris: "yeah, perl's great that way"
Me: "php, dude... perl can suck my ass."
Me: "I bet you could make perl code that looked like it was sucking my ass."
Chris: "that would simultaneously run and perform the operation of sucking your ass. Doesn't seem too hard"
Chris:
open JOHNSASS, "./ass.txt" or die "Couldn't open John's ass: $!";
foreach <JOHNSASS>{
&suck;
}
Chris: "then just format it to be somewhat like"
########
### ###
## ##
Chris: "'course, you'd have to define sub suck somewhere"
Chris: "prolly put it in the right cheek or something"
Me: "with the size of that code, you could format my butt to be a little more shapely and seductive, you know..."
Me: "how long do you think english as we know it has been around?"
Me: "Using the word 'go' to describe someone speaking has apparently only been popular since the early 90s."
Mike: "English as WE know it? About 20 years."
Me: "I'd say less than that."
Mike: "Well, like, that depends on, like, what, like, counts."
Me: "pssssh, what-ever."
Me: "Using the word 'go' to describe someone speaking has apparently only been popular since the early 90s."
Mike: "English as WE know it? About 20 years."
Me: "I'd say less than that."
Mike: "Well, like, that depends on, like, what, like, counts."
Me: "pssssh, what-ever."
Mike: "It'd be nice to say to a greengrocer, 'wow, I really like your melons' and not get punched in the face."
Mike: "Are you speaking in tounges!?!"
Me: "Nope. Japanese."
Me: "Close, though."
Me: "Nope. Japanese."
Me: "Close, though."
Me: "People with opinions are like the energies of different atoms in a gas. Some of them are over here *hand motion*, but some go over this line here *hand motion* and freak out on the internet."
Chris: "Everything is better without a context."
Mike: "Getting... sleepy..."
Me: "Probably my boring conversation. Perhaps you should avoid it by blocking the sound of my messages with a pillow."
Me: "Probably my boring conversation. Perhaps you should avoid it by blocking the sound of my messages with a pillow."
[MSN conversaion starter]
Mike: "JOHNOHMYGODINEEDYOURHELP"
Me: "GREATICANHELPYOUWHATDOYOUNEED"
Mike: "JOHNOHMYGODINEEDYOURHELP"
Me: "GREATICANHELPYOUWHATDOYOUNEED"
Movie: "Do you have a soulmate? Someone who touches your soul?"
Snuggles: "...My proctologist?"
Snuggles: "...My proctologist?"
Diana: "In Soviet Russia, sense makes you!"
Me: *singing* "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"
Snuggles: "I'd pimp out my mom..."
Snuggles: "I'd pimp out my mom..."
Lino: "You're not a girl!"
Lino: "And that was a foot!"
Lino: "And you're not humping me!"
Lino: "And that was a foot!"
Lino: "And you're not humping me!"
[this was during a relatively lively game of Spades]
Eric: "Textbook! Absolutely textbook."
Paul: "There's a textbook for Spades? That would be a useless degree..."
Lino: "Just because there's a textbook doesn't mean there's a degree."
Paul: "There's a degree on your mom!"
Lino: "Well... your mom is... a horny... bitch..."
Eric: "Textbook! Absolutely textbook."
Paul: "There's a textbook for Spades? That would be a useless degree..."
Lino: "Just because there's a textbook doesn't mean there's a degree."
Paul: "There's a degree on your mom!"
Lino: "Well... your mom is... a horny... bitch..."
[later on in that game of Spades...]
Scott: "You were just trying to screw me up!"
Lino: "Screw me up my ass!"
[later...]
Lino: "There was a comma there, a comma..."
Scott: "You were just trying to screw me up!"
Lino: "Screw me up my ass!"
[later...]
Lino: "There was a comma there, a comma..."
Mike: "You wanna meet around noon?"
Me: "Noon would be great!"
[One minute later]
Me: "Okay, I'll meet you in the physics building, front lobby. And let's not be ambiguous about the time! What time should we meet?"
Mike: "I said noon, and you said noon... great."
Me: "I did, did I?
[An early morning (10:00AM) conversation between Mike and Myself.]
Me: "Noon would be great!"
[One minute later]
Me: "Okay, I'll meet you in the physics building, front lobby. And let's not be ambiguous about the time! What time should we meet?"
Mike: "I said noon, and you said noon... great."
Me: "I did, did I?
[An early morning (10:00AM) conversation between Mike and Myself.]
Chris: "hey everybody! John's a woman!"
Me: "It's true!! I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body..."
Chris: "yet strangely, all works out"
Me: "I know. Most men are like that, only with me it's literally true."
Chris: "well congrats then. Hope you find yourself a heterosexual lesbian"
Chris: "...wait..."
Chris: "something's not quite right here"
Me: "It's true!! I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body..."
Chris: "yet strangely, all works out"
Me: "I know. Most men are like that, only with me it's literally true."
Chris: "well congrats then. Hope you find yourself a heterosexual lesbian"
Chris: "...wait..."
Chris: "something's not quite right here"
Chris: "do me a favour and tell me to do what I'm thinking of doing."
Me: "eat it, Chris."
Chris: "that's not what I'm thinking of doing"
Me: " 'Just do it' "
Me: *swoosh*
Chris: "good enough"
Me: "eat it, Chris."
Chris: "that's not what I'm thinking of doing"
Me: " 'Just do it' "
Me: *swoosh*
Chris: "good enough"
Me: "Though I can't think of a good example of staff usage (except for Gandalf/Saruman), I agree. A good staff weapon is nice. Especially if you're out of mana, and it happens to be a metal staff."
Me: "Or one with beatdown+1."
Chris: "That's what _I_ say! Someone finally understands!"
Me: "It's logical, though! What the hell good is a wand when you're out of MP? Harry potter would have us believe that you can beat up trolls by jamming it up their nose. I say he's a dirty liar, and those movies only use special effects to simulate troll death."
Me: "Or one with beatdown+1."
Chris: "That's what _I_ say! Someone finally understands!"
Me: "It's logical, though! What the hell good is a wand when you're out of MP? Harry potter would have us believe that you can beat up trolls by jamming it up their nose. I say he's a dirty liar, and those movies only use special effects to simulate troll death."
Chris: "basically GI Joe has biceps that humans can't actually attain. Even WITH steroids. Just like barbie's nummy wubblekins. Yes, that's right. Nummy wubblekins."
Me: "It's like I don't even know you any more."
[for the record, as I found out later, "nummy wubblekins" is a name Chris uses instead of "Gazongas", as Pauly Shore would have said, or "ta-tas", or - least of all - "breasts"]
Me: "It's like I don't even know you any more."
[for the record, as I found out later, "nummy wubblekins" is a name Chris uses instead of "Gazongas", as Pauly Shore would have said, or "ta-tas", or - least of all - "breasts"]
Mike: "Smaller doesn't matter if it also DOESN'T WORK."
Me: "wrong, SIZE IS EVERYTHING!"
Me: "wow, engineers think smaller is better. No wonder we're not considered chick magnets."
Me: "wrong, SIZE IS EVERYTHING!"
Me: "wow, engineers think smaller is better. No wonder we're not considered chick magnets."
Mike: "SCIENCE is not hard up for girls, PHYSICS is."
Mike: "Oh my god, what an unintentional pun..."
Mike: "Oh my god, what an unintentional pun..."
[This was on the topic of living well into the future by slowly replacing my body parts with machines]
Me: "Should I not just make a robot that resembles me, and transplant my personality and memories somehow?"
Andrew: "Nope, because it would never have a soul, but just be very well simulated. You need to phase and integrate."
Me: "...so stepwise refinement can actually save my soul?"
[Who knew CS133 would actually come in handy?]
Me: "Should I not just make a robot that resembles me, and transplant my personality and memories somehow?"
Andrew: "Nope, because it would never have a soul, but just be very well simulated. You need to phase and integrate."
Me: "...so stepwise refinement can actually save my soul?"
[Who knew CS133 would actually come in handy?]
Me: " 'marry me?' what? as in, union?"
Andrew: "And then after that... intersection!"
Me: "And then, for a short while afterwards, exclusive-or."
Andrew: "But then who gets the kids?"
Me: "Mr. OR. He accepts everyone."
Andrew: "So does Mrs. OR, she's a whore."
Me: "Yeah... I hear she tried to bring Mr. AND home one night, but Mr. OR said no, and that was the end of that. Mr. and Mrs. OR stayed together after that, still."
Andrew: "Mr. AND can't think for himself. He's always relying on somebody else. Well, I guess he can think for himself. He just likes unanomous decisions."
[This was all in reference to Reboot. Dot asked Bob to marry her at some point.]
Andrew: "And then after that... intersection!"
Me: "And then, for a short while afterwards, exclusive-or."
Andrew: "But then who gets the kids?"
Me: "Mr. OR. He accepts everyone."
Andrew: "So does Mrs. OR, she's a whore."
Me: "Yeah... I hear she tried to bring Mr. AND home one night, but Mr. OR said no, and that was the end of that. Mr. and Mrs. OR stayed together after that, still."
Andrew: "Mr. AND can't think for himself. He's always relying on somebody else. Well, I guess he can think for himself. He just likes unanomous decisions."
[This was all in reference to Reboot. Dot asked Bob to marry her at some point.]
Me: "I think I'd kill myself if I had to be that YTV voice-over guy."
Andrew: "I'd rather be him than a YTV Video-Jockey."
Andrew: "And I'd rather be a YTV V-J instead of a TVO V-J"
Me: "Oh god, stop before you hurt yourself..."
Andrew: "I'd rather be him than a YTV Video-Jockey."
Andrew: "And I'd rather be a YTV V-J instead of a TVO V-J"
Me: "Oh god, stop before you hurt yourself..."
Andrew: "Captain Picard said that Riker had to dock the saucer manually. It's like, his test into manhood as his 'number 1'."
Me: "That's a crappy test for manhood. It should be more along the lines of killing a helpless animal."
Andrew: "I'm sure Riker does that on the lonely nights without Diana Troy."
Me: "That's a crappy test for manhood. It should be more along the lines of killing a helpless animal."
Andrew: "I'm sure Riker does that on the lonely nights without Diana Troy."
Me: "Nobody at your house eats breakfast? You'll never make the football team like that."
Me: "God knows you want that SO bad."
Andrew: "SooOOOooO Bad. Sometimes I put on my jock strap at night and pretend."
Andrew: "EeeeeeEEWWWW"
Me: "God knows you want that SO bad."
Andrew: "SooOOOooO Bad. Sometimes I put on my jock strap at night and pretend."
Andrew: "EeeeeeEEWWWW"
*** Chris(); has left the conversation.
Dave: "why he leave?"
Me: "...railroad spike?"
Dave: "why he leave?"
Me: "...railroad spike?"
Me: "why am I so hate-filled?"
Jen: "you need more hugs"
Jen: "go hug your mom"
Me: "I do need more hugs..."
Me: "and I think my mom's already asleep"
Jen: "is the door locked?"
Me: "You're creepy, you female oedipus."
[hate-filled refers to a recent rant on non-silent space scenes, and televised golf and fishing.]
Jen: "you need more hugs"
Jen: "go hug your mom"
Me: "I do need more hugs..."
Me: "and I think my mom's already asleep"
Jen: "is the door locked?"
Me: "You're creepy, you female oedipus."
[hate-filled refers to a recent rant on non-silent space scenes, and televised golf and fishing.]
Dave: "read my sheep post, then act accordingly now."
Me: "no can do"
Dave: "y?"
Me: "n."
Dave: "n.?"
Me: "y?"
Dave: "what?"
Me: "just messing with you."
Me: "no can do"
Dave: "y?"
Me: "n."
Dave: "n.?"
Me: "y?"
Dave: "what?"
Me: "just messing with you."
Chris: "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited. But only one person showed up, and it was really awkward, but then he sprayed grape juice everywhere"
Mike: "Man, why can't there be real girls like that?"
Me: "what, you mean 4 kilometre tall spirit-chicks that fire armada-destroying bolts from a ship using a giant light-bow?"
Mike: "Yeah, I would like to meet HER."
Mike: "maybe scaled down to a metre and a half, though."
Me: "mmm, concentrated space chick..."
[this is in reference to an anime I've reviewed in my anime section, called Sol Bianca: The Legacy]
Me: "what, you mean 4 kilometre tall spirit-chicks that fire armada-destroying bolts from a ship using a giant light-bow?"
Mike: "Yeah, I would like to meet HER."
Mike: "maybe scaled down to a metre and a half, though."
Me: "mmm, concentrated space chick..."
[this is in reference to an anime I've reviewed in my anime section, called Sol Bianca: The Legacy]
Me: "mmm, procuring implements of snacktacularity"
Chris: "mmmm, snacks"
Chris: "mmm, bed"
Chris: "laters"
Me: "mmm, later"
Chris: "they should make a candy called mmm, so that I can say mmm, mmm"
Chris: "mmmm, snacks"
Chris: "mmm, bed"
Chris: "laters"
Me: "mmm, later"
Chris: "they should make a candy called mmm, so that I can say mmm, mmm"
Mike: "I think I know how Mathies reproduce."
Me: "Do they multiply?"
Me: "Do they multiply?"
Mike: "I think I would rather wear plastic bags instead of shoes, and cover myself with animal pelts than to have Dial Up again...."
Mike: "Hell, I'd sell deer guns if they could kill hunters, it would actually make it a 'sport'."
Mike: "Calling hunting a 'sport' is like calling what's going on in Iraq a 'war'."
Mike: "Calling hunting a 'sport' is like calling what's going on in Iraq a 'war'."
Me: "I love this... 28, 44, 88, 31 KB/sec for my torrents."
Me: "Thank you, internet."
Me: "*kisses ethernet cable*"
Me: "I actually did it, too."
Victor: "Shut up. :p"
[This was during a period when Victor's internet was slow due to his little brother surpassing their "Unlimited" internet line's 50gig cap]
Me: "Thank you, internet."
Me: "*kisses ethernet cable*"
Me: "I actually did it, too."
Victor: "Shut up. :p"
[This was during a period when Victor's internet was slow due to his little brother surpassing their "Unlimited" internet line's 50gig cap]
Jen: "Wow, when my blackberry vibrates it sounds like a cow."
Chris: "Perhaps RIM's proprietary code actually transforms your PDA into a cow for a split second, and the 'vibration' is in fact the cowberry trying desperately to escape before it replastificates."
Chris: "Perhaps RIM's proprietary code actually transforms your PDA into a cow for a split second, and the 'vibration' is in fact the cowberry trying desperately to escape before it replastificates."
Brett: "All the A&W buildings look the same...it's almost as if they're built in a central location."
Mike: "Yeah, and then they warp them in... like the Protoss."
*Silence*
Mike: "See, In Waterloo, that would have been funny."
Mike: "Yeah, and then they warp them in... like the Protoss."
*Silence*
Mike: "See, In Waterloo, that would have been funny."
Henry: "I think I'll watch one of the three new NES time attacks I downloaded."
Robb: "I think I will too!"
Henry: "You're not at my house."
Jen: "Or is he?"
Robb: "Or Am I..."
Henry: "Wait a second... Robb, are you a piano?"
Robb: "I think I will too!"
Henry: "You're not at my house."
Jen: "Or is he?"
Robb: "Or Am I..."
Henry: "Wait a second... Robb, are you a piano?"
Me: "I'm above programming - I'm developing."
Me: "So I'll see you all tomorrow."
Fai: "Night"
Robb: "Night"
Me: "Oh, I'm not sleeping."
Fai: "Night"
Robb: "Night"
Me: "Oh, I'm not sleeping."
Me: "I'm 70% pure."
Henry: "Dammit. I'm supposed to be evil, here. you're ruining my reputation."
Me: "not pure" does not imply 'not evil.'"
Me: "you could be pure evil..."
[this is in reference to the purity test at thespark.com - Henry got 71% pure]
Henry: "Dammit. I'm supposed to be evil, here. you're ruining my reputation."
Me: "not pure" does not imply 'not evil.'"
Me: "you could be pure evil..."
[this is in reference to the purity test at thespark.com - Henry got 71% pure]
Victor: Chris, why do you often leave the conversation?
Chris: "because Messenger likes to go off in a corner and shove railroad spikes up its ass. It says 'you are no longer in this conversation due to network problems', but I'm sure it's because it's getting in on anally with an 8-inch steel spike"
Me: "owwww..."
Victor: "Kinky."
Me: "that's not pure..."
Chris: "because Messenger likes to go off in a corner and shove railroad spikes up its ass. It says 'you are no longer in this conversation due to network problems', but I'm sure it's because it's getting in on anally with an 8-inch steel spike"
Me: "owwww..."
Victor: "Kinky."
Me: "that's not pure..."
Henry: "I could even do the soundtrack. I mean, all you need is a piano, a cat, and some vinegar."
[This is in reference to the Sorting Out Sorting video we all saw in CS 134]
[This is in reference to the Sorting Out Sorting video we all saw in CS 134]
Me: "someone suck victor into this group conversation."
Jen: "sssssssssssslllllrrrrrpppp"
Me: "not literally..."
*** tenkei_greywolf@hotmail.com (?????DirectX 9) has joined the conversation.
Jen: "oh look... it worked."
Dave: "Jen has the power to suck men into conversations with her slurping power"
Jen: "sssssssssssslllllrrrrrpppp"
Me: "not literally..."
*** tenkei_greywolf@hotmail.com (?????DirectX 9) has joined the conversation.
Jen: "oh look... it worked."
Dave: "Jen has the power to suck men into conversations with her slurping power"
Me: "Victor - how much bandwidth is 'unlimited'?"
Jen: "infinity = 50 gigs"
Me: "That's it? I uploaded over 7 gigs in the last three days"
Victor: "Wow, you freaking jackrabbit bastard."
Jen: "infinity = 50 gigs"
Me: "That's it? I uploaded over 7 gigs in the last three days"
Victor: "Wow, you freaking jackrabbit bastard."
Jen: "I chose not to watch it with sound..."
Dave: "you saw the kid on the computer though, right?"
Jen: "lol no...I also ran it without video."
Dave: "you saw the kid on the computer though, right?"
Jen: "lol no...I also ran it without video."
Chris: "I tell you, there's nothing like going over old source code and applying a fresh coat of tabs, newlines, comments and whitespace - it just seems so fresh"
Me: " I remember arguing to the death with my sister over the fourth digit of pi.."
Me: "she said 6, I said 5... her ruler quoted '3.1416'"
Chris: "Which one of you died?"
Me: "I died a little on the inside that day..."
[editor's note - pi, as far as I remember, is 3.1415926535897932384626433832795]
Me: "she said 6, I said 5... her ruler quoted '3.1416'"
Chris: "Which one of you died?"
Me: "I died a little on the inside that day..."
[editor's note - pi, as far as I remember, is 3.1415926535897932384626433832795]
Henry: "you can't unpack a rar file without sacrificing a household pet."
Henry: "better get one."
Chris: "man, the sacrificial pet compression method? I've heard of that"
Henry: "better get one."
Chris: "man, the sacrificial pet compression method? I've heard of that"
Henry: "you know what's a lousy thing to find in your breakfast burrito? herpes."
Chris: "Is this a big problem that you have?"
Chris: "Is this a big problem that you have?"
[Henry's suggestions for what we should do:]
"let's find a board game for 2 people and play it with 9."
"let's go someplace warm, and then not be cold."
"umm... let's throw popcorn at more popcorn."
"let's find a board game for 2 people and play it with 9."
"let's go someplace warm, and then not be cold."
"umm... let's throw popcorn at more popcorn."
[Shortly after I asked people if it's alright to quote them:]
Jen: "note to self, be careful what you say to john"
Robb: "Quote that! Quote that!"
------
Chris: "John! Jen's pregnant!"
Jen: "L O L"
Jen: "note to self, be careful what you say to john"
Robb: "Quote that! Quote that!"
------
Chris: "John! Jen's pregnant!"
Jen: "L O L"
Dave: "How goes?"
Me: "Fine and dandy. Just downloaded ICQ so that I can properly change my gender to male"
Dave: "Well...that's a new feature"
[For some months, my ICQ profile said that I was female... and Trillian wouldn't let me change it to male. This conversation happened when I finally got off my lazy butt to change it.]
Me: "Fine and dandy. Just downloaded ICQ so that I can properly change my gender to male"
Dave: "Well...that's a new feature"
[For some months, my ICQ profile said that I was female... and Trillian wouldn't let me change it to male. This conversation happened when I finally got off my lazy butt to change it.]
Dave: "brb"
Dave: "had to install something"
Me: "I just had to un-install something..."
Dave: "And balance is maintained..."
Dave: "had to install something"
Me: "I just had to un-install something..."
Dave: "And balance is maintained..."
Quotes from Residence:
Me: "I'm not going to throw this beef stroganoff away until it starts living."
[A commentary on the quality of residence food?]
[A commentary on the quality of residence food?]
Me: "Whoa, you look tired. What time did you get to sleep?"
Jason: "Sleep? What's this thing you call sleep?"
Me: "You know, bed, sleep, lying on your bed and closing your eyes?"
Jason: "Oh THAT. That's a little something we Engineers call 'collapse'. See, we don't really sleep - it's just that sometimes we can't take it and just physically collapse. So that is rest. Maybe you can define THAT as sleep."
Jason: "Sleep? What's this thing you call sleep?"
Me: "You know, bed, sleep, lying on your bed and closing your eyes?"
Jason: "Oh THAT. That's a little something we Engineers call 'collapse'. See, we don't really sleep - it's just that sometimes we can't take it and just physically collapse. So that is rest. Maybe you can define THAT as sleep."
Yash: "I'm going to crank my speakers and then leave. I can't stand to be in the same room! It's too loud!"
[This was during the one hour each day during exams that we could make noise.]
[This was during the one hour each day during exams that we could make noise.]
Mike: "I rode him down a hill."
[context has been left out on purpose.]
[context has been left out on purpose.]
Mike: "Yeah, and it hurt for a week after..."
[this was when he was asked about the incident, almost a year later]
[this was when he was asked about the incident, almost a year later]
Quotes from Home:
My Sister: "If we ever co-write our biographies, could we call it 'More Fun Than Pain'?"
[during a particularly strange game of rock paper scissors...]
My Sister: "Fear. Fear beats hope."
Me: "Fear? I have to beat fear?"
Me: "Abstract concepts are the worst."
My Sister: "Fear. Fear beats hope."
Me: "Fear? I have to beat fear?"
Me: "Abstract concepts are the worst."
My Sister: "Q.E.D. is like the mathie equivalent of stamped it, no erasies, flushed it down the toilet... you guys are so immature!"
My Sister: "I've never made out behind a cemetery in my whole life. So there."
My Dad: "You don't have your SIN number memorised?"
My Mom: "Never mind, I've got it on file over here."
Me: "You keep that on file? Please don't tell anyone else about my SIN..."
[bad puns are inevitable at my household. mmmm, puns...]
My Mom: "Never mind, I've got it on file over here."
Me: "You keep that on file? Please don't tell anyone else about my SIN..."
[bad puns are inevitable at my household. mmmm, puns...]
My Dad: "I don't think KFC is under 'Food'."
My Dad: "Oh, here it is."
[Who knew the phone book could provide entertaining material?]
My Dad: "Oh, here it is."
[Who knew the phone book could provide entertaining material?]
Quotes from Glib Magazine:
"Who says babies and drugs don't go together?"
"Contrary to popular belief, no one in the world has a vagina."
"Use strong and confident statements about the way the two of you should view the world and live your life. Your partner will fill in the blanks with their own experience and insecurities."
"As a bonus you can choose one of two middle names that no other kid will have: 21 or 28."
"Maybe you want to convey a sense of healing through your baby's name? Consider the rheumatoid arthritis drug Arava™ (A-rave-a), the anti-cancer drug Iressa™ (Eye-ressa)..."
[Article title: "Bedtime stories from my boyfriend"]
"Where did the moat come from?"
"From an underwater river."
"Rivers are made of water. How can there be an underwater river?"
"Shut up, I'm tired."
"Where did the moat come from?"
"From an underwater river."
"Rivers are made of water. How can there be an underwater river?"
"Shut up, I'm tired."
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